“...Everybody
has a superficial side and a deep side, but this culture doesn’t place
much value on depth — we don’t have shamans or soothsayers, and depth
isn’t encouraged or understood. Surrounded by this shallow, glossy
society we develop a shallow side, too, and we become attracted to
fluff. That’s reflected in the fact that this culture sets up an
addiction to romance based on insecurity — the uncertainty of whether or
not you’re truly united with the object of your obsession is the rush
people get hooked on. I’ve seen this pattern so much in myself and my
friends and some people never get off that line.
But
along with developing my superficial side, I always nurtured a deeper
longing, so even when I was falling into the trap of that other kind of
love, I was hip to what I was doing. I recently read an article in
Esquire magazine called ‘The End of Sex,’ that said something that
struck me as very true. It said: “If you want endless repetition, see a
lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one.”
What happens when you date is you run all your best moves and tell all
your best stories — and in a way, that routine is a method for falling
in love with yourself over and over.
You
can’t do that with a longtime mate because he knows all that old
material. With a long relationship, things die then are rekindled, and
that shared process of rebirth deepens the love. It’s hard work, though,
and a lot of people run at the first sign of trouble. You’re with this
person, and suddenly you look like an asshole to them or they look like
an asshole to you — it’s unpleasant, but if you can get through it you
get closer and you learn a way of loving that’s different from the
neurotic love enshrined in movies. It’s warmer and has more padding to
it.”
― Joni Mitchell
